Self-awareness refers to your ability to consciously understand and recognize your own personality, feelings, motives, and wants.
What does it mean to be self-aware? Self-awareness is, in practical terms:
We look for patterns in our thinking to help us understand and interpret what happens to us and what happens around the world.
Take a look at the meanings and values we assign to these things.
Understanding our emotions, moods and reactions.
Attention to our default responses and ingrained habits.
What's the purpose of self-awareness Self-awareness can lead to personal benefits such as:
Clarity of thought
Effective communication is key
Better decision-making
Better relationships
You will feel happier
Personal productivity increases
What is Self Awareness and How to Develop It?
[1] Pay attention what you find bothersome about others
Sometimes, the things you find irritating in others can reflect something you don't like about yourself. This is an area you should work on.
It could also be that they process and think differently than you do. This can prompt you to reevaluate your understanding of their "type" [see 8.]
When I look at certain behaviors that I find annoying in people I know, I often discover a part of me that I'm uncomfortable acknowledging.
[2] Pay attention what troubles other people around you
You may meet people on occasions who, for reasons that are not obvious to you, will instantly dislike you.
I remember being disturbed to learn that Mike, a man in my circle of friends, had a strong dislike for me years ago. This was something I didn't know and was only discovered by a mutual contact. He mentioned that he was worried about a forthcoming social gathering as he and I were attending the same event.
When I asked him why he was so concerned, he replied: "...but Stephen, don’t you know Mike has real problems with you... "
I didn't know what he was talking to me about. But, later I discovered that Mike thought me arrogant and overbearing. This shocked me because I didn't know anything about it and couldn’t recall any situation or incident where I might have behaved this way towards Mike.
The truth was, Mike was the problem. He was reacting negatively to my positive and confident personality. I was a confident and articulate salesman at the time and felt threatened by his presence around me.
I took away that incident a lot. It made me more aware of how other people perceive me. I also learned to be more sensitive.
Years later, I am acutely aware of the fact that I can sometimes cause reactions in others just by being present in a room. This is not something I say in an arrogant or self-conscious manner. I have learned to be more aware of my limitations and in certain situations, I can either "bless them with mine absence" or refrain from speaking too much.
[3] Practice mindfulness to observe the repeated patterns in our thoughts and emotions.
Thich Nhat Hanh shows us how to cultivate awareness by realizing that our true home does not reside in the past or in the future. Our true home is the present and the future.
Mindfulness practice will help you to see that it is not your thoughts content that matters, but how you relate with them.
This leads to the realization that your thoughts are not yours.
[4] Know your emotional triggers
Mindfulness can help you recognize when your emotions are being triggered.
After practicing mindfulness for over 15 years, I can attest to the fact that it has helped me become painlessly and consistently aware of my emotional triggers.
I can be impatient with drivers who drive too slowly or dither on the roads. My reactions are predictable, but that is an area I have yet to master!
For larger issues involving relationships or business, I've learned to anticipate my emotions and to let go of my feelings.
[5] Get feedback and listen
Ask someone you trust to give objective feedback on yourself in certain situations.
I've asked my family and friends for feedback occasionally. What I've noticed is the difference in how I talk to people and how they actually receive it.
According to my friends, I often speak in a bossy and curt manner and seem to be telling people what they should do. However, my inner self believes that I am being reasonable and helpful.
This is all about tone. This is clearly a disconnect between my inner perception of my communication style, and how it is received.
Although I don't always get it right, I do know that I have an awareness of the issue and can take steps to rectify it.
[6] Explore new experiences, travel, or learn a new skill.
You will learn a lot about yourself by going to unknown and unfamiliar places, and getting out of your comfort zone. You might be able to travel internationally or just discover a new passion and interact with people from different backgrounds.
Working in Singapore and traveling extensively in South East Asia has challenged me. It has also helped me to be more self-aware.
Contrary to my expectations when I first visited the region, I discovered that we have much more in common as humans, despite our many cultural and ethnic differences. There is more to us than what divides us. All of us share the same basic needs, and we all have the same aspirations for our loved ones.
It is very difficult to live, work and socialize under different political regimes. I found many of my "certainties" extremely challenging. One of the most important things I've learned is how narrow my initial perspectives were. I find it difficult to see life through the prism of all of the different regimes in S.E Asia. This causes me to reexamine and rethink certain things.
Vietnam is a quick example. My view of communism has been greatly changed by spending time in Vietnam and getting to know the culture and history.
In my past, communism was always seen as a negative influence on countries. I can also recall the days when Ho Chi Minh in the West was considered a communist threat.
However, I was able to see firsthand the effects of years of oppression under the French and then the American War [as it's referred in Vietnam], and now I understand why Ho Chi Minh or communism were the only show in town at that time.
This is not to say that I support communism or approve of it. I just see now why it was necessary for mobilizing resistance against western oppression.
To any US readers who might take offense at my words, I respectfully suggest that you spend half a full day in the War Remnants Museum in Ho Chi Minh to see the devastating and lasting effects of Agent Orange on the Vietnamese peoples and the ecological damage done to the North Vietnam landmass.
Because of the severe genetic damage caused by the indiscretionate use of large amounts of Agent Orange, there is still a significant number of children born with deformities.
The direct effects of the use of this in the America/Vietnam war are still felt by c1 to 1.5mill Vietnamese. It is estimated that there are at least two generations of Vietnamese who have been disfigured or injured by this war in America/Vietnam.
[7] Take psychometric testing
To gain insight and metrics, take one of the well-known Myers-Briggs and Enneagram tests.
This was a game-changer for me! For most of my adult life, I couldn't understand why others couldn't see the same things I saw. I couldn't even see how they could assess situations, especially in business. I couldn't see exactly what had to be done or what I thought should be done.
It was a surprise to me when I found the Myers Briggs personality types framework. I was able to see how different people think and process information as I scrolled through each of the 16 types. My dominant type is one that only typifies a very small number of people. It was no surprise that I was often out of sync with others when it came time to think styles.
While I can appreciate the absurdity of what I share here, it was a businessman in his thirties who finally understood why so many people don't think like he did. But that was my reality.
Since then, I have put a lot of effort into trying to understand and take into account these individual differences.
[8] Take the time to clarify your values
Take time to reflect on what really matters to you.
What is your purpose? What is your calling? What is it that makes you happy?
A while back, I was enjoying a few beers and chatting with some expat friends in Singapore. When one of the men suddenly asked, the conversation turned interestingly.
"If you knew that you would die tonight, and were allowed to think for a while before you did, what would your life be like? " What Is Self-reflection